The Man in the Long Black Coat, Chapter Twelve

"Charlie's working late tonight. Let's go outside."

Bella took Edward's hand and led him out of her room and down the stairs. It was the first time he'd seen any other part of the house. The sparseness of it surprised him. It was worse than he'd imagined, judging by Charlie's thoughts. It looked like a bachelor pad. There was no sign that Bella had been staying there for almost a year. She was a ghost.

Edward squinted into the setting sun as she led him through the kitchen and onto the balcony.

"You want anything? Coffee? Water? Whatever?"

"I don't do that."

"Do what? Drink?" She laughed. "Tell that to Mike Newton."

Edward took his smokes from his pocket. Fired up the Zippo. Bella pulled the lit cigarette from his mouth. She took a deep drag and sat down on the thick rug that covered the floor, crossing her legs and kicking off her shoes.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be terrorizing a squirrel or something?"

"Why do you mock me?"

"I'm just messing with you.” She lost her smile and shook her head. “I guess it's a defense mechanism or whatever. Draws attention away from me. I'm sorry."

She smoked some more, studied the ash at the tip of her cigarette.

"I'm glad you came. I missed you,” she said. “Maybe some day, you won’t have to come in through my bedroom window." She motioned for him to sit with her. He did, lighting another cigarette.

"It's hard, going almost a whole day without you," she said. "I feel like part of me's been missing. Does that make any sense?"

Edward didn't answer. He didn't want to. But he knew exactly what she was talking about.

"When do the fireworks start?" he said. He never understood the fascination with fireworks every July fourth.

"Usually right after dark." She peered into the twilight. "Probably soon."

They smoked together, and Bella laid her head on Edward's shoulder.

"Do you ever wish you could start over? Hit reset? Like if life were a video game or something?"

"I make it a point not to wish for anything," he said. "It prevents disappointment."

The first of the fireworks floated overhead. It burst into a rainbow of colors, each one more radiant than the last. The boom followed. Edward felt Bella flinch when the concussion reached them a full second later.

"I don't know if I can do this," he said. "It’s not just the animal thing, which will be difficult enough, if not impossible. But I saw things, Bella. In Carlisle’s mind.”

He stopped. He ran one hand over the scar on his cheek and tried to avoid thinking of that day, without success. He was so absorbed in his past that he didn’t notice his cigarette had burned down to his fingers.

Bella took the butt from his hand and flicked it over the side of the balcony. She put her arm over his shoulder. “You OK?”

Edward shrugged. “Of course.” He put his arm around her waist and faked a smile, looking into the sky as the fireworks kept coming. Bella flinched with each concussion. Edward hugged her tighter.

"Loud noises. I can't handle them anymore," Bella said. "I'm fine if I'm the one firing the gun. I have the power. I’m in control.” She stood up and went to the railing, leaning over the side and peering into the woods.

"Charlie taught me to shoot when I was a little girl. I was good at it, as you've seen." She laughed. "I could hit a Coke can from fifty yards. Every summer, I’d stay here with Charlie. He’d make sure to take me to the police gun range. All the cops called me the little sharpshooter.

“But now? I can’t hear a car backfire or the lid of a dumpster get slammed without freaking out."

Edward stood and went to her. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, placing his chin on her shoulder. He inhaled, and for the first time, he was struck not with a desire to bite into her neck, but to hug her even closer.

"I should have killed the bastard when I had the chance," Bella said. "But every time I tried to stop him, it got worse for her. It was like my presence made her life even more miserable."

She turned around to face him. "I was twelve when I first started hurting myself."

Their faces were inches apart. She draped her arms around his neck and leaned her forehead against his chin. They stood like that as the fireworks flew overhead. Boom, flinch. Boom, flinch.

“Charlie and Renee weren’t supposed to be together. That much was clear from the beginning, I gather. She was a waitress here in town. Dad was a cop, of course. A Desert Storm vet. But mom was flighty. She craved adventure. And she always hated Forks. The clouds, the rain. She never shut up about it, even years after we left.

“I was still a baby when they divorced. I guess it hit Charlie pretty hard, but there wasn’t much he could do. Renee had a mind of her own.” She laughed. “Just like her daughter.”

She reached into Edward’s pocket and withdrew another cigarette.

“We bounced around Southern California, mostly,” she said, lighting it. “From one town to another, one guy to another. Until she met Phil.”

She blew smoke into the air and shook her head, watching the cloud dissipate like the remnants of the fireworks above.

“He was a baseball player on the triple-A team in Phoenix. He always thought he was going to get called up to the big leagues, but it never happened.

“It pissed him off. He’d take it out on Renee. At first, he was just a dick. Bitching about dinner, the messy house, the clothes she wore. Whatever. But he was drinking more, probably doing steroids, and he started hitting her. I remember laying in my bed late at night, hearing her scream. I didn’t know what to do.

“Renee always denied it whenever I’d bring it up. She’d say the bruises were because she was clumsy. The black eyes because she ran into a wall. The broken arm because she tripped down the stairs. I tried to believe her. I wanted to believe her. I loved her, Edward. But I didn't know what to do.

"Phil said if I ever told anybody, he'd kill her.

"So I never did tell anyone. Not even Charlie. I thought I was protecting her."

The fireworks were over. Smoke drifted in the air high above on a rare cloudless night in Forks. Edward heard the drone of crickets in the forest, the creaking of the old house, Bella’s quiet breathing.

“Let’s go inside,” Edward said, reaching for her. She took his hand and let him lead her into the house. They sat on the sofa, still holding hands. Bella began to cry.

“It’s not your fault,” he said. “You were a child, Bella. There was nothing you could do.”

She wiped her tears and looked into his eyes.

“That’s a crock of shit. I could have told. I should have told.

“At first, I tried to stop him. I’d call out to Renee when I heard them fighting, pretending I had a bad dream, or that I needed a glass of water. Whatever would get her away from him.

“But that didn’t last long. He caught on, I guess, or she did, because she started ignoring my cries. So I got bolder. I’d walk into the room and interrupt him beating on her. That worked for a while, too. I was so proud of myself. I thought I’d finally fixed it. Thought everything was going to be OK.”

She shook her head. “But I didn’t accomplish anything. I was so stupid.

“As Phil’s career started to tank, the beatings got worse. More frequent. I remember once, I came home from school and Phil was home by himself, drinking beer and watching the playoffs on TV. I asked where my mom was, but he didn’t respond. ‘Where’s Renee, you piece of shit?’ I screamed, right in his face.” She laughed at the memory. “I was fifteen years old. He pushed me away as if I were some bug who’d been bothering him.

“I found her in bed, passed out and bleeding. Her whole face was black and blue. I got her a washcloth, ice, Tylenol. I begged her to leave him. I mean I got down on my hands and knees and fucking begged her, but she said she couldn’t do it. ‘How would I take care of you?’ she said.”

Bella rose from the sofa and began pacing the floor.

“So it was my fault. All of it. Every time he hit her, it was because of me. She wouldn’t leave him because she wouldn’t be able to take care of me without him, without his salary.”

Edward went to her. He folded his arms around her and let her cry on his shoulder. “It’s OK,” he whispered. “The world is full of evil, Bella. It’s not your fault.”

“Stop saying that,” she said, breaking free of his arms. “Don’t you think I know that now? You helped me see the truth, Edward. You made me stop being that weak little girl I used to be and grow some fucking balls.

"I spent years blaming myself. I spent years punishing myself. It started small. I’d dig my nails into my own skin. The pain made me feel alive. It felt like punishment. Like something I deserved. I moved on. Nail clippers. Scissors. Razors.”

She pulled her shirt up over her head. Unbuttoned her pants and let them drop to the floor.

Edward gasped. Virtually her entire body was covered in scars.

“Now do you see why I greeted Jasper like he was my long-lost brother?” she said. “Because he is, Edward. I don’t know where all his scars came from --”

“He was a soldier of some kind,” Edward said.

“Yeah, well, whatever. And it’s why I feel so connected to you, too.” She approached him again and softly ran her hand over his cheek. “This might be the only scar I can see on your perfect body, but it’s obvious you’ve got a million of them on the inside, Edward. You’re as fucked up as I am.”

He put his arms around her again. “Did he finally kill her? Is that why you came here, to live with Charlie again?”

“I was working. It was last summer. I was supposed to be starting my senior year in Phoenix. I was going to finish up, get the hell out of there, and never look back.

“I came home late, like I always did. I liked working the night shift because Renee and Phil were usually in bed when I got home. I was in school all day, so I rarely saw them.

“But I heard arguing as I pulled into the driveway. I thought about just sleeping in my car, or driving to a friend’s house. I should’ve, but I didn’t. I went in, and they were screaming at each other. Mom had a huge frying pan in her hand, trying to keep Phil away. I tried to get in between them, but Phil knocked me over and went after her.

“So I went for his gun. He didn’t know I knew about it. I always told myself I would never use it.”

She stopped talking. “I need a cigarette.” She pulled one from Edward’s coat and lit up, walking back outside. The night had grown cool, despite it being July. Edward removed his coat and placed it on her still naked shoulders.

“He laughed at me. Dared me to pull the trigger. I tried, Edward. I really tried. But I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have it in me. I chickened out. I was too weak."

She sat on the ground again, Edward’s long coat bunched around her.

“He took the gun away from me. I didn’t even try to stop him. He pulled it out of my hand like I wasn’t even there. He fired it into the wall. BANG! Just to show me it was loaded. Like he was rubbing it in my face."

Edward sat down next to her. He took the cigarette from her limp hand and crushed the ash between his thumb and forefinger, put the butt into the pocket of his coat.

“Why do you do that? Hide the butts like that?”

“DNA. Fingerprints. Technology that hasn’t been invented yet,” he said. “I’m in the database. Have been for decades. The last thing I need is for some smart cop --” he looked toward her house -- “to figure out who I am.”

She chuckled, looking up into his face. “And who are you, Edward Masen? Who are you really?”

He laughed. “I’m a dangerous, vile vampire, Miss Swan. I'm the bad guy. That’s all you need to know.”

“For now,” she said.

“Yes. For now.”

They smoked in silence, waiting for Charlie’s police cruiser to pull into the driveway.

“I left after that,” she said. “Came here to live with Charlie. I thought my not being there anymore would keep her safe. Maybe even give her an excuse to finally leave him.

“But he killed her a week later. He shot her in the head, then killed himself. I never found out exactly what happened.

“Charlie wouldn’t let me drop out of school. Not until I was eighteen. So I waited. I was actually on my way out of town. I stopped at the convenience store to tell Mike to go fuck himself, the asshole.

“But then you showed up,” she said, “and everything changed.”

-30-

A/N Well that was intense. Sorry if it was too angsty and talky, but you had to know it was coming. You don't end up like my Bella because life has been easy.

Once again, hugs and kisses to MazzyStarla for saving me from myself. Her insight in this chapter saved me from the stupid.

Lastly, I want to offer my sincere thanks to everyone who's reviewed, faved, and followed. Feedback on my writing is like crack to me, and I'm severely addicted. :)